Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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