Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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