Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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