he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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