sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
