is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
