you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Let's get the cat blown out
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
