# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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