I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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