Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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