why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
