That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
