I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
