We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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