When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
