i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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