foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
