Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
