Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
