i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
