so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
