lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
