It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
