The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
