im six kinds of drunk right now
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
