I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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