his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
