i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he thought i was a dude.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
