ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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