i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There's even glitter on my cock...
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