She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
