So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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