Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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