why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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