i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
