And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
