so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
