do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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