If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
