SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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