THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
