Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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