Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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