I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
