I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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