Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
