the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
