A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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