i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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