Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
