i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
