You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
