Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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