either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
