I wannas sexs uuuuu
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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