You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
