Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
