what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
