i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
