My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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