We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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